I made this happen.
I feel like I'm dreaming. Actually, now that I think about it, I feel this way often. I look around at my life and wonder how I got to be so lucky. And then I remember-it wasn't luck that brought me here, but hard work and faith.
I made this happen.
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This quote has been on my fridge for years... “This is why we need to travel. If we don’t offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don’t lift to the horizon; our ears don’t hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days." Letters to My Son by Kent Nerburn.
There is such a fine line when writing about religion and trauma. It's so easy to allow your grief and anger to trickle into your words, influencing the reader's point of view. I have worked very hard when writing my memoir to let the Jehovah's Witnesses' actions and beliefs speak for themselves, giving the reader an opportunity to form their own opinion. This has been very therapeutic.
I have also spent a great deal of time researching the Jehovah's Witnesses' beliefs, particularly those regarding shunning, or "disfellowshipping" as they would call it. This has been incredibly eye-opening as it has allowed me to peer into a world I left over a decade ago. wow. These last four months have been such a whirlwind--an unbelievably overwhelming process of publishing with endless lists and emails; starting my own "limited liability company", obtaining a federal tax ID number, buying barcodes and ISBN's, and registering my copyright. I've been working with copyeditors and graphic designers while editing my book, working on my website, editing my book and then editing some more. Get up early and work, then go to work, then go home in the evening with a take-out dinner and go back to work until I fall asleep on my over-worked and over-heated computer. I suppose I knew it was coming, and I've tackled the lists and the to-do's the way I knew I would...but I lost myself a bit in the process. I became exhausted and found myself looking at the obligations and lists with resentment. Publishing a book is a full-time job. It can take over your entire life and since I've never done it before, it became overwhelming to a point where I considered giving up. So, when you're tackling your dream and find yourself overwhelmed, what do you do? What did I do? |
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